We went to visit a school yesterday, to enquire about for my three year old nephew. And memories from the horrors of my own school time came back. Those school years weren’t that horrible, but the kid-me surely felt them that way. My shyness, my self-consciousness, and to top it all, not feeling comfortable in… Continue reading If I could do it again
Sometimes, the words just flow keep pouring out onto the paper onto the screen. And you wonder how many words are there? And how do they flow so effortlessly? And why do these gliding, sliding, dribbling, drizzling words make you so giddy, dizzy, and happy? Shhhh!! Listen. Listen to the stillness beneath these flowing words.… Continue reading Flowing words and a stillness beneath
Except in my mind. How is that possible? How can you stay positive when you’re surrounded by negative situations or negative people? There’s a continuous chatter of negativity in my surroundings. Situations and people. Conflicts over small things. Dry cough that persisted for over a week. Improper sleep schedule. I can keep compiling this list… Continue reading Negativity, negativity everywhere!
It’s official — I dislike all festivals. To the core! Yes, even Diwali. Celebration of any festival has turned into a ritual that MUST and SHOULD be followed. How I’ve always hated these musts and shoulds! It’s just ridiculous and I’m frustrated. There isn’t even a single festival in Hinduism that would allow for an… Continue reading What a festival ought to look like – an introvert’s perspective
Darkness of the night, a heavy downpour outside, quietness and some music. Sweet, sweet solitude, where do you hide in the day? Is it the light? or the bustle of people? too much activity? Seeing too many people at the mall today, I just needed to stay awake, simply doing nothing. Just being. Watching a… Continue reading Sweet solitude
Are you a master of none? Or master of one? There are a lot of opinions around this, and recently, I read somewhere that being a jack of all trades and master of none was better than being a specialist in one subject or skill. I used to think about it the opposite way —… Continue reading On being a Jack of All Trades
There are no words to write today. Just listening to these words and lyrics on repeat. The softness of the music and the words that understand and tell you that it’s okay, you don’t always have to be strong. Listen, and let the music heal. The healing does begin when we let our walls fall,… Continue reading The light meets the dark
The sounds, whole day, double. Phone calls, email pings, more phone calls, stories that old people like to tell, I listen, keep listening. Then a sudden wave of irritation, and I know what I need. Silence. Nature. Wordless Music. The cool evening breeze welcomes me as I step into the balcony. So do the low… Continue reading The antidote to too much peopling
Have you ever had these kind of days? Long hectic ones, tiresome — where so much happened, where you spoke so much, talked to your heart’s content, but still at night, you can’t just go off to sleep. So, you think, wonder, ponder, listening to the pitter-patter of rain in the midst of May. For… Continue reading What becomes of it all?
Late night, coming across the music of Pearl Jam’s Present Tense song, and melancholia.. Cooped up in her room, she felt like a caged bird. Outside, there was beautiful Nature, wild freedom.. at least, the illusion of freedom, the beauty of the world that her senses had tasted. She longed for the mountains, the rivers… Continue reading Wild Freedom
The struggle persisted because I lamely believedthat I ought to accept it,so my heart struggled on and onwithinbut maybe, just maybe,I don't need to accept itso I stop strugglingonly to find thatyou still love me anyways. ~ ~ ~ ~ Sunlight with shadows of grass on a dry leaf. Photo by Aditi Premankit
As I sit in my balcony, I look down at a dog rubbing his back in the small patch of soil between dry yellow grass. It's a to-and-fro motion, but it looks like playfulness. A few minutes later, he gets up and climbs a pile of sand that those construction people left a few months… Continue reading The Sand Pile
There are deaths, and then there are deaths from the attack. You tell yourself not to get involved, but you're too deep in the quicksand, deeply affected, can't undo what you saw, can't erase what you feel. You dream about the war, being there in the smoke, it's a never-ending zone. If you spoke those… Continue reading No title, no war.
I was distressed, feeling deeply affected by the situation of war in Ukraine. But what could I do? The wars and power politics are played by the leaders. What could an individual do? Watch the news and get more distressed? Protest and express rage? Condemn and watch? Write? Cry? Turn to God? (and ask why… Continue reading Courage amidst Chaos
Keep your eyes open and reality. Keep your eyes close and imaginations and dreams. The real world terrifies me with its callousness with its misinterpretations of each other’s intentions. Every single person wants happiness. And yet, and yet.. where is the effort? where is the trying for it? Instant happiness. Does that even exist? But… Continue reading Start being happy
How do you breathe? How do you put your clothes on? How do you go on and on? What is there to do? Nothing and nothing. You go on with your life as if death isn’t in the surroundings as if flowers aren’t being crushed every day. You stare at screens and read some books.… Continue reading Don’t ask the sleeping people
Social media has created a havoc! Unconsciously clicking likes and watching stories, looking at some random profile on Instagram when you suddenly realize ‘what the heck am i doing!’ There’s a vast inner world within you, and yet, you keep looking outside, living outside, instead of within. instead of working on blurring the boundaries between… Continue reading Ten rounds around the sun
Minds are fascinating,they pull memories weirdlyrandomlyand attached with themare the emotional files,coloured and uncoloured,some categorised, someunsorted.. Minds linked to the body,makes the whole thing shakeat the tiniest memoryfusedwith rage, with grief,with joy, with sweetness. Some memories are lockedin a special box,only to be opened inthe midst of self-pity,and bouts of wallowingin guilt or regrets. One… Continue reading Memories in a box
2022 has begun, a new year. And all I can think about is Love. I was reading this article on Greater Good Berkeley about imagining best possible life for the new year, and it just struck me how I only ever wanted to feel Love. And nowadays, I keep feeling that love in small doses… Continue reading On Love
Standing in the sun, I feel the heat, slightly burning on the skin. A whisper of the breeze soothes the skin, as if an omen, saying, ‘It’s okay..’ And the voice of Eddie Vedder in my ears, "Swallowed whole in negatives, it's so sad and sickening, feel the air up above, oh, pool of blue… Continue reading Swallowed Whole in Negatives
I recently installed Instagram after more than 18 months. And I’m thinking to delete it and stay away from it forever. The same reason why I deleted Facebook in 2012. The same reason why I deleted so many games on my phone after enjoying them. The same reason why I do not watch tv news… Continue reading Can you live without it?
When you struggle too long for an issue or a problem, but you don’t really want to admit it and that’s precisely when you look into the mirror and face your self with all the reasons of resistance and excuses of procrastination. The mind is a great help and hindrance, the body just follows its… Continue reading Facing the mirror
An old post from September 11, 2014.
of the sand sliding away
from beneath my feet
along with the waters of time..
and i’m just a watcher
of waves coming and going
one after another…
Once in a while
a bigger wave
would hit me,
and in vain
i would try
to hold on to it
Just can’t hold on
~ ~ ~ ~
Photo by Aditi B.
Today, when I came across the book ‘The Heroine’s Journey’ by Maureen Murdock, the words in there resonated deeply within me. For quite some time now, many many years, I have been experiencing a conflict with the feminine within. Last week’s incident at home about the word ‘permission’ brought back inadmissible feelings from childhood and… Continue reading Re-connecting with the feminine
Have you ever been bitten by the bug of curiosity? The one that makes you question and wonder, making your eyes go wide with awe and amazement.. Have you ever looked at the stars twinkling and wondered what could be beyond them? Have you ever let your imagination run wild? Imagining places and things and… Continue reading What is curiosity?