Struggling with self-doubts
about a decision
to leave a place of negativity
and follow the calling of the heart
to write,
but fears keep coming in waves..
Questions about how to convince parents,
but below those layers
are assumptions of my own,
of letting them down,
of being selfish to follow my heart,
of wasting their money,
and the shame
‘coz they’d see me as weak,
giving up is weak, isn’t it?
But I cannot do this anymore,
the decision is final,
yet the doubts keep me awake at night
wondering if I should keep doing what others do,
live a life that’s not true to my being,
that seems fake and not right to my conscience..
how people manipulate their work,
do things just for the sake of it,
not for joy, not even for helping others,
how people strive, too full of ambition,
to get appreciation, to put others down,
to get their work done by fake and any means..
How can they live and work like this?
My conscience doesn’t allow me to.
I cannot. I tried and tried, but not anymore.
All this maybe against how society works..
Quitting and giving up is the only way sometimes..
You can’t expect to grow or learn from a place
where there’s so much negativity
that it crushes your core values and beingness.
I want to grow.
I want to learn.
I want to love life again.
There’s always going to be duality in life,
good and bad, wrong and right,
positive and negative..
but if I was to choose one,
I’d always choose the good,
the right, the positive..
and stay away from the bad, the negative..
Staying around negativity may not affect your being
but it does corrupt your mind,
making you lose the voice of your Heart..
What would you choose to lose?
The voice of your mind
or that of your Heart?
It’s a choice we all have, always,
but we ignore and choose the easy way..
Sometimes, we need to overcome our doubts
and be brave enough
not to do what the world says,
but to listen to what the Heart says..
~ ~ ~ ~
Featured image: Photo by Aditi B.
aditi premankit 