Crash it all

Tiredness of the dayfollowed by no restfollowed by two looming deadlineson two consecutive days,followed by not feeling like eating anything,followed by three consecutive memories of the past,followed by grief and sadness along with tiredness,all this...along with writing and doing what needed to be done..it seemed too much..seemed like it was all crashing and closing in…

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Slowly seeping into thoughts

Far away from him, yet she felt happier.. She missed him, yet she felt happier.. Was it true that with love you can touch the skies? Coz she felt like she was soaring.. And she wasn’t scared of falling, free falling.. Every moment with him was always new, never same, different.. Every moment away from…

its morning.. i dont want to go back.. this time, i’m fighting back tears.. i dont want to go back.. i want to go sleep.. beside him.. its hard to convince the heart.. one week more.. and for sleep, few hours more..

Mother Earth.. How She holds us in her embrace.. Yet we forget in our daily lives, in our rush to reach to work or back home.. i see Her holding us in Her embrace and i feel like getting down on the ground, kneel and embrace her and stay in her embrace like that.. ^_^

Meditation

Meditation..Closing eyesand knowing..Nothing from the outsidecan ever change who i am within..No matter what i do, what personality i become,no matter what people are there around me,no matter what happened in the past or what may happen in future..no matter whether i'm spiritual or worldly,none of that matters...Only this heart..This quietness..This peacefulness..that overflows..

Evening confessions

Emptiness followed her like a shadow everywhere. She wanted to scream, shout, and tear and break everything.. but she couldn’t. A slow despair kept building up inside her and she kept flaming it slowly, wishing it would flare up and swallow her whole. She felt empty, hollow, barren of all that life was. She didn’t…

Muffled words.. Muffled sobs.. She wanted to cry, but couldn’t. She was waiting to be alone, and for darkness of the night.. Grief was resurfacing and she didn’t want any answers of why she was feeling this way or what triggered it, she just wanted to cry it out and let go..

today i cant be anything or anyone, none of the roles.. today, i hide.. behind the tv series and books and become those characters.. coz today i cant be me whoever that is.. i need a distance away from her from who she was from who she is.. so i hide.. alone..

Observing

Wanting to run away,not wanting to face the memories,not wanting to face what i\'m feeling,grief, sadness, anxiety,everything and nothing,yet here i am, at the doc\'s clinic,it\'s not the same,i don\'t remember that one,yet the feelings are back..i don\'t want to stay,but i know i have to..at moments like this,i wish i didn\'t have a female…

~ why can’t i forget? please help me forget the memories, and everything.. all those memories that weigh me down every time.. why can’t i not dis-identify with them? please help me, let me dissolve them.. coz i dont want to feel this way.. makes me want to run away from this whole world, everything,…

Walking back, i feel numb, grief, sadness, heartache, everything and nothing at once..

A visit to the gynecologist

At the doc’s clinic, waiting.. Watching and observing my own thoughts and reactions.. i want to run away, dont want to be here, feels a bit claustrophobic, and i know its all those memories.. but still.. everyone has come with some one. i’m always alone.. i hate it. i dont want to ask doc but…

Alone time

Marriages, engagements,too much people,too much going here and there,too much everything..and then..alone time..quietness..so i turn to You..listening to those worship songs..coz even though i didn't feel far awayeven though i always found You nearerwhile traveling,even among people,even among all the lights and blitz,You were always there,always here..and i turn to Youcoz no one and nothinggives…

Taking an auto instead of cab.. The bitter cold numbing the skin numbing the hands as i type.. the cold breeze making the hair flow.. Aliveness!

All the moments with him.. Falling asleep on the sofa as he works and finding him staring and writing something about me.. The love i feel and see through his eyes.. Waking up next to him.. All the little moments with him.. makes me fall in love a little more each time..

On a pedestal

Why do poets, writers and even we normal people put the unrequited kind of love so high on a pedestal? Why does that love look so much more purer than any other love? Esp the love which is reciprocated..it does not seem that ‘good enough’ why? We want what we can’t get and what we…

Thinking after reading Neils Lyhne

(Niels Lyhne) Is love this intense only when there is yearning? Only when you don’t get what/who you love? Why is that kind of love more pure, more ‘something’ (not getting proper word)? Why, when you get what you yearned for, you start taking it for granted? The thrill, the yearning subsides? ~ that’s why…

Moulds

its hard..to not put up a mould when around other people.. kind of like shields, on automatic.. directly goes up.. and then you struggle, feel suffocated in that mould, and so you say it’s people, you don’t like to be around people.. what you don’t like is - who you become when you’re around them..…

Nothing has changed

“Nothing has changed. The body is susceptible to pain,It must eat and breath air and sleep,It has thin skin and blood right underneath,An adequate stock of teeth and nails,Its bones are breakable, its joints are stretchable.In tortures all this is taken into account.Nothing has changed.The body shudders as it is shudderedBefore the founding of Rome and…

Fly away

And thena song says it all..what you wanted to hear..that it's okay..just fly away...Panchiyaa ft. Amit Trivedi and V SelvaganeshHow many faces will you search?How many streets will you walk?You don't walk on one path,keep wandering off in places..Tell me, what are you searching for?Just fly away, o bird...Just fly off..It's so ironic..the heart wants…

Nothing

Nobody understands this melancholy..Death..It seems so alluring and peaceful..Its just the end,then there's nothing..no dramano peopleno efforts..Nothing..I want that Nothing.

What are you doing?

i dono what i'm doing in life.."What are you doing adii?"What am i doingWhat am i doingHahahahSuch a sudden change of perspective..Who am i to do anything..Who am i to drive Life in any direction..It just keeps moving on its own..What am i doing...Nothing..Nothing at all..Coz i'm not a doer..I just am..Being..What am i doing..HahahaThank…

Help me find it

i dono where to go from here..it all used to seem so cleari'm finding i can't do this on my own..i dono where to go from hereas long as i know that You are near..i'm done fighting..i'm finally letting go..i will trust in You.,You've never failed before..i will trust in You..if there's a road i…

Already living

i dono what i'm doing in life... What am i supposed to do? Go this way or that? i never know.. i dont want to go back, i dont want to move forward.. Why cant i just be? Why all these games to play? How do i get out of these games? Everything seems meaningless..…