Reflections

Another day..

Another day

again,
feelin’ sick of everything
around,
third day in a row
of crying,
screaming in my mind,
crying hard
and letting it all out…
Yet..
Doesnt seem to go away..
And cant figure out
why and what in particular
is making me sad with grief..
Is it the anger in mom’s voice?
Is it the expectation in dad’s eyes?
Is it feeling lonely coz I dont have any real friends
and those few i have are either busy or sick?
Is it feeling lonely coz i keep finding myself alone when i really need someone?
Is it fear of losing someone?
Is it the fear of failure?
Is it the guilt that i didnt study enough?
Is it the feeling that i always quit and give up on my own dream?
Why cant i follow through on just one dream?
Or is it the fear of not good enough to do anything in my life?
What is it?
I do not know..
3 days in a row,
I allow the tears to flow,
at unexpected times,
sometimes morning,
sometimes at night,
sometimes at noon…
But they dont seem to stop!
Nothing seems to lift me up..
Even the sun that lights up my day
seems too bright..
What do i do?
How do i stop these thoughts?
these feelings?
And there again…
Once again..
I strongly feel
feel like running away
from everything and everyone..
running away into the deep forest somewhere,
just want to be alone
and quiet…
Away from the whole world..
Away from everything and everyone..
Just want to be. And live.
Not get tangled up in all these stupidities..
Maybe if i wish enough
can i turn into a butterfly who flutters without any worry?
or even a moth would do..
or even just a tiny flower by the roadside
who is just being itself,
just living…
I wish i had magical powers to turn myself into a tiny flower!
How blissfully happy i would be
to just live!
even if so short span of life..
Just be.

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