I miss you. Terribly.
Its been sooo many years since you passed away, 18-19 years i guess. I was barely 6-7 years old at that time. Have only a few memories of you. Your smiling face, all wrinkly. And your kind and loving nature.
I dunno where you are now or how you are, i write these letters when i miss you and when i want to be a little kid again (coz the world around is sometimes too much) and I remember how you’d let me sit on your lap and pat my head and tell me stories, which i dont remember. I dont even remember your voice.
I miss you, dada. I wish you were still here, to guide me, listen to me, tell me stories, teach me about life, share your experiences. I have so many questions, you know. About life in general and lots of other things. I remember i was quite close to you, but i dont feel close to my parents. They dont understand me, neither do I understand them. I want to travel, i want to be on my own, i want to study further, start earning, live on my own.. But all they want is to get me married or i dunno what they want from me. They expect so much. I’m giving these exams by my own choice, and now they tell me that they expect me to clear the exam and get decent good marks. I dunno what they want from me!! To find a guy n get me married or study further?! They keep giving mixed signals and i dont understand. I dont even want to talk to them. Coz everytime it turns out that only they talk and say, while i only get to listen and nod. I didnt want to talk about them, but whom would i talk to? I’m sure if you were here you’d atleast listen to me and allow me to do things that i want to do, isnt it? Coz even if i make mistakes, i’ll learn from them, isnt it?
(Do you know, i still have 2-3 of your books. How you loved reading! How you used to go to the library. ^^ I dunno if it was bcoz of you that my reading habit developed. I dont remember. But i’ve always loved reading ever since i remember. Storybooks, inspiring stories, tiny booklets of biographies and what not!)
Dada, I need your guidance. Your wisdom. Your love. And support. Where are you? Can you hear me? I dunno if its true or not (kids can believe and imagine anything) but people say that when someone dies, they become a star and shine at night. I’d like to believe that..
For me, you’re that ever-shining star
guiding me in this journey
restoring my faith and belief
when i feel lost..
Thank you for loving me when i was a kid, dada. Thats what I remember the most. That loving feeling.. ^^ and i hope you knew, that I loved you too..and i still do. And i feel honoured, to have known you.. such a kind, beautiful soul. ^^ I promise you, i’ll try more, to be like you..to be more kind and loving towards others. If that one thing i could incorporate from you. Please keep reminding me, i’m forgetful sometimes. 🙂
Do take care, wherever you are..
(Thank you. Just writing to you makes me feel ok again. 🙂 )
Your loving grand-daughter.