Music I Love, Reflections

Not again!!!

       She was filled with rage and anger. She thought she’d made peace with her “weight issue” but apparently she was wrong! In the evening, her mom started a lecture on how she should learn to cook more dishes, how other girls knew everything at the ages of 15-16 and how she was gonna be 25 and still knew nothing!! After which her mom went on about reducing weight, doing more exercise, eating less, same old blah blah…!
 
         And it enraged her…all over again. She kept looking at her lil’ sis who sat far behind, smiling, nodding knowingly at her.. And she laughed back to her.. But laughing didn’t wash away her anger. She needed a timeout. But she had to sit there until her mom finished speaking..
 
 
Why???

Why was it so important to know cooking,
to reduce her weight,
to be a homemaker who can take care of her own home?!

But where was her home?!
This wasn’t her home,
she was reminded about that little fact every single time..
Where was her home??
Did she ever belong anywhere?

She didn’t want all these responsibilities,
not now, not so soon..
She just wanted to be free..

The more she struggled, more she’d get tangled…
and then she’d struggle even more to be free
which would end up into her getting tangled ever more…
A vicious circle…

All she wanted was to just wander about
without any worries of the world
get lost and never find the way back..

She hated all these rules and customs of society.

why so much restrictions?!
where was the respect?!

where were her wings???

if only she could find them
she’d fly away somewhere far
never to come back..

That urge to run away became stronger
and she tried calming it down..

Running away was not a solution, she knew it..
but knowing it and applying it were totally different..
 
Why was all this necessary
she could never ever understand..
She didn’t want to lose her weight, not forcibly like this..
She didn’t want to learn cooking, not forcibly like this.
Why was she getting caught in the same old webs..
 
She kept reminding herself who she was..
A soul..
more than this body,
more than these outer physical appearances,
more than the skills she knew or didn’t know,
more than what other people thought about her…
And she felt detached from everything..
As if all that didn’t even matter…
 

And the only words she could remember were

“Mujhe chhod do..mere haal pe..
{Just leave me.. on my own.
 I’m alive, living. That’s enough for me now..}
 
Wasn’t it really enough to be alive, she thought..
Why all this entanglement?
Just being alive
Just “being”….

But we get caught up in all the materialistic things
Looks
Skills
Possessions
Customs and rituals..
 
She hit her head on the pillow, twice,
“People!!”, she screamed in her mind..

Was this life a huge maze, she wondered
or was it a journey?
She had thought it was a journey
but now it was more like a maze…
The more she tried to reach the other end, to get out, to be free…
the more she would get lost..

And boy, was she lost right now!
 
~ ~ ~ ~
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